This is it’s my birthday today. Sometimes they say your older, wiser. Few people actually seem to be wise. I went up to see my friend to get another treatment. He’s doing much better, and actually doing the exercises that physical therapy is given. And it’s helping. He is standing taller, though he is still experiencing some pain. I forgot to
I hi steel, that there are so many things that I keep forgetting to do. Especially with people, and old and new friends. Sending messages, staying in contact, making that a more regular thing. I feel and remember those ideas come to me and then I just ignore them, or else I don’t do them. I wonder if we as I mentioned to him, one of the benefits of coming up to see him is the long commutes. That long commutes gives me lots of time to write, and speak things out. Partially habit, or a desire to not do them, or some habit of only dealing with people who are physically there. Oh as I mentioned to him, one of the benefits of coming up to see him is the long commutes. That long commutes gives me lots of time to write, and speak things out.
How that got on a different line I don’t know. Thanks for
I was able to collect and solidify all of my previous writing, onto my laptop for review. I do still need to check and choose what goes where,. I feel rather surprised by how much material I actually created. I am very certain that we can happen or maybe weeks I have, maybe 20 or more pieces. I did not actually count how many pieces of writing there are..
As I suppose something I should also reflect on is how I have changed over the past several months. I asked my roommate, and her response was that, while my core self has not changed the direction of my life certainly seems to. In some ways I was much more of a freelove hippie, exploring my sexuality and now I am much more conservative I believe she said. I believe she also mentioned how she could tell that I would wish that she responded differently thanks, and all of that is true. I she did freely say that she does not think that I’m crazy. But as far as she could tell, I seem to have abandoned it. I have not pointed out to her that it has become much more personal essay that much more personal thing was in prayer and massage. Also not fully convinced that what I’m listening to is God. I’ll take those four points of interest does. The main direction of my life is certainly different. As she says, before I was much more focused on energy work. I did throw out a lot of material, not a lot but a few of the books that I had.
This as much as she would like to believe it, if I tried to articulate it to her right now I don’t think she would understand.
My stance on sexuality has definitely changed. Since it’s not just that that has changed so much as I embrace the possibility, but she is not actually being item. Which I think was maybe one of the most drastic changes. Especially considering how vehemently for a long time I admitted our connection, but I utterly denied the possibility of anything. And I don’t know what that did to her emotionally. Especially since she never really dated elsewhere. This I certainly do joke a lot less about sex, and sexual things. I don’t think she really wants to hear right now, that my stance on that is there really should be within marriage. That that is the last piece of the puzzle, not one of the first thing that. And as much as I wanted, and I really want to ask, if she doesn’t want it also, doesn’t want me, it’s not worth having. I have too many partners that don’t actually care about me. It is my job to gives touch to people. I know what intimate touch feels like, I know what impersonal deal touch feels like. Ashley really does not understand that. The only touch she knows, as far as I know is incidents, but that is normal touch. It doesn’t have a special place. I don’t think she appreciates how, profound idiots. It is.
The more I focus on her, I feel like the slower things that. As much as she is a concern of mine, as much as I love her, I can’t focus on her.… I know there’s been progress, I don’t know precisely where she’s at, but I do believe she’s reaching the partner she can continue on the road that she thought.
So Ross has not seen me for several weeks, and he almost immediately said when I got there, that I look quote “sucking fantastic”. He complemented whatever exercise I’ve been doing.
I’m going to reflect on how I’ve changed, – I know that I has started listening to the Bible for more, I listen to worship music much more, (those are good cosmetic starters))’s I cried a lot more, I have much more peace than I used to, I have a good focus on life, I know I’m going somewhere without really understanding the full destination, I don’t feel like I’m running away something’s nearly as much, or at all. My mind is much clearer, I am far more social that I used to be, all of my abilities and skills are actually getting used at once which is very strange to me.
Martin Write 