Hello Beautiful Souls.
I apologize for the irregularity of posts. Life has been chaotic for longer than expected, and I’ve been caught flat footed. Shifts in my home environment and social changes sent me for a tumble, especially trying to deal with everything on my own. I do have a large backlog of material, the difficulty is getting it all typed, edited, and posted.
Do you give your children keys to the shiny new
car? No, of course not.
Do you let them play with the
powerful sword? No, of course not.
Do you give them the cards to the expense
account, for the truly expensive and valuable items? No, of course not.
You don’t give that to a five year old.
You teach them with toys.
You build their
skills and their confidence
until you know that they’re ready
for the good things.
The valuable things, the rare things, the expensive things.
I feel like that is this life.
I feel like
we are currently kindergarteners waiting and learning.
Before graduating with a PhD, before going through
more education, getting better
resources and learning how to manage
the little toys we’ve been given.
When we have the little Tonka Trucks and
practice with them really well, take care of them, to see if we can actually manage a car.
It’s not quite the same. But
sometimes I think that’s what heaven will be like.
Having shown what we can actually manage
and our awards based on what we did,
getting keys to the real car, getting
keys to the expensive and valuable and the truly fun things.
Things that you can’t trust to children who are untrained, and
even when they’re trained, they’re
not quite mature enough for it yet. For now,
we aren’t quite ready
the truly Good Things.
All praise to Father from whom all things come
And praise to Christ Jesus, our Lord’s only Son, Praise Jesus.
And praise to the Spirit who makes all us One.
All praise to our God and Redeemer.
He gave us life, and claimed us from death
despite our heading that way…
He gives us life, and teaches His paths
a life giving fruit and river.
Five things I’m thankful for.
I’m thankful for the unchained Leader Program.
I’m thankful for
the men that I have connected to through that.
I’m thankful for my job.
I am thankful
that I’m at the job I’m at.
I’m thankful
for the encouragement I receive.
I’m thankful that
I can give encouragement.
I fill the cracks around me.
I am a volunteer.
I nurture hope beside me.
I foster
notes of music and beats
of drums. I am a new
student beginning
submit wrote written
to lay under authority,
to trust
completely.
Cookies
gluttony is my sin
at least it has been for a while.
We talk of all the others, but not
That one. Why
is that?
truth or lies I’m standing in
they resonate beneath my skin.
I’ve known my doubt,
I’m filled with fear.
it rings in me from ear to ear.
From my toes to my head I feel like I’m drowning.
Yet I stand in You.
You have me surrounded in Your Light and Your Glory and Your Joy tries to reach me.
Your peace feels just out of reach, Beyond the clouds of haze and confusion.
The fear, I know not from where, that fills me to the roots of my hair
paralyzed to move,
afraid to make a sound,
to move will make it worse.
Indecision abounds.
I take steps in Christ. I walk back and forth
I learn to walk again on legs that
can’t go forth.
I learned this new skill I learned this new thing
as I learn to walk again,
a new way of moving,
a new way to attend my faith and my will.
A new way to Be.
this skill of walking with these things of legs.
These things at the ends of my limbs
as I take steps for the first time, it
should have happened years ago and
yet it still feels new.
I stumble and fall
and I cracked my head.
I cry and hurt, and I see that I’ve bled.
The alcohol and weed are the things I use to soothe my pain.
To ease the wound,
to try to wrap it up again. As I walk in Jesus, I cry to You instead.
You are my peace and my comfort.
You heal the wounds better than I ever could. Walking with You
is harder than before. Walking with You
Means going through a door of challenge and difficulty and hardship
I will never guess.
All I know is it’s not easy.
And it’s a skill. I confess
there are times I want it easy. There are times I want it not to be
and yet it’s better to walk with You,
to follow in Your footsteps. It’s better to walk in You,
to cling to Your side
though it makes and shatters my pride.
We gather together to mourn.
It matters not where you’re born.
The grief is shared
we show that we care
for the loss of one hurts us all.
Martin Write 