Category: writing

question about making amends

by ekoileman, posted in poetry, writing

what would making amends look like or be?

would that be, clarifying the ways

in which addiction impacted my behavior toward them?

(Even though when I disclosed addiction I did not specify that.)

It seems the making direct amends is

trying to be specific with the apology,

and knowing,

and understanding,

and articulating exactly what behaviors

were not good,

and specifying an effort to do better and in what ways improvement shows,

and specifying specific ways that the addiction impacted my behavior.

I’m trying to understand

because there’s a person I know, a coworker, and others I’ve messed around

with in a bedroom sorta way.

And so I’m trying to figure out

God put those people on my heart

to make amends with.

So I’m also trying to figure out how to address that.

Because I do think they think

I’m very much together and have everything figured out and working–

and no.

Nope,

very much NO.

School days

by ekoileman, posted in poetry, Uncategorized, writing

Do you give your children keys to the shiny new

car? No, of course not.

Do you let them play with the

powerful sword? No, of course not.

Do you give them the cards to the expense

account, for the truly expensive and valuable items? No, of course not.

You don’t give that to a five year old.

You teach them with toys.

You build their

skills and their confidence

until you know that they’re ready

for the good things.

The valuable things, the rare things, the expensive things.

I feel like that is this life.

I feel like

we are currently kindergarteners waiting and learning.

Before graduating with a PhD, before going through

more education, getting better

resources and learning how to manage

the little toys we’ve been given.

When we have the little Tonka Trucks and

practice with them really well, take care of them, to see if we can actually manage a car.

It’s not quite the same. But

sometimes I think that’s what heaven will be like.

Having shown what we can actually manage

and our awards based on what we did,

getting keys to the real car, getting

keys to the expensive and valuable and the truly fun things.

Things that you can’t trust to children who are untrained, and

even when they’re trained, they’re

not quite mature enough for it yet. For now,

we aren’t quite ready

the truly Good Things.

longing for the Lamb’s feast

by ekoileman, posted in poetry, writing

getting keys to the expensive and valuable and the truly fun things.

those things belong to the Heir, to the Son.

we are not yet past the Feast of the Lamb.

How I long for that day.

I long for the feast of the Lamb. The Lamb’s Feast

I hope it will be many days. It was

the custom when He was among us, seven days I think for a wedding feast.

Genesis: one poetic prose

by ekoileman, posted in poetry, writing

Beauty written with Affection.

true.

Our God is the Maker, the Shaper

the Creator of all things

From the tiniest

microbe, every

planet around every star

in the sky, every

galaxy,

He made them all.

The sequence does not match

as we currently understand

the progress and

growth of life, the

evolution and designs.

It doesn’t match the sequence. But

what if from His perspective,

that is the sequence? Maybe

it just wasn’t all done on this rock, but —

we– were the first thing done in His image.

That, from His perspective, would make it true

and poetic and

beautiful

to His sketches of

Himself in the creation,

a love letter of how we came to be.

I want to be chosen

by ekoileman, posted in poetry, writing

I want to be chosen says the Lord,

to be picked and

chosen and

loved

with the intensity I give,

to receive it in turn,

in whatever capacity can be given.

I want to be chosen.

I don’t want to

compete.

I don’t want to

compete for your love. I don’t want

to compete for your affection.

I will

provide all you need.

I am

all you could ever want.

I want to be chosen, says the Lord.

As I have chosen

you, I also want to be

chosen in return.

It is vulnerable, and it

can be painful

but I can bear it, as I bear

you, and more.

I want to be chosen by

you My love:

My love of choice, My agape.

Chosen

by ekoileman, posted in poetry, writing

He wants to be chosen. He wants to be seen, He wants to be picked.

He wants to be our first priority.

We want to be our partner’s First priority.

And we respect the one who doesn’t choose us. We let them go their own way.

Why would God want anything different?

If He knows a different way will lead to death, Why

would He not warn us?

But he did.

He gave us that warning.

and we are judged by what we know,

by what we have heard,

We are judged

and what we have written on our hearts, we are judged.

we know,

but we choose not to listen