“When acting out makes me feel more secure about my body.”
acting in my addition
strengthens the delusions of falsehood.
witnessing the
external beauty of others
I don’t
currently
possess
torments taunts teases.
A lie I told myself,
but facing the falseness is daunting.
I have dealt with spiritual things all my life.
when they know what buttons to push, they push them relentlessly
and hard.
when the buttons they can push are fewer, and you are about to break
free, they push those buttons harder, and relentlessly.
I will not give up. I will not surrender
to my flesh. I will not give up.
I am bought for a price.
I know my value. It is beyond,
what I can conceive.
I will not give up, I will seek
my King.
I will pursue the cross and
the price that was paid for me. I will not give up, though
I fall in the mud and slide back covered
in filth. I learn better the chains that hold me, and I see
better where they are attached.
I will not give up to the process.
I am in the process of being made good I will not end that early.
i feel shame
i feel guilt for what i do.
but
I’ve washed you in my blood. I’ve made you new,
says the Lord.
you are MINE
says the Lord, Now act like it. Not perfectly, but do.
one or two in a group experience pain-
but everyone all at once?
that screams enemy action.
especially against against kingdom work.
//
Circumstances change, life can be
chaotic,
disruptive, and distracting.
Life likes to scream. But
everyone, all at once,
things suddenly get more chaotic,
suddenly become more
distracting and demanding, especially
distracting away from Kingdom work?
That screams enemy action!
chaos and confusion-
The enemy’s domain.
disruption,
delay, distraction-
the tactics of the enemy-
degrade, destroy,
demean
flow grates against the grain
bonds and connects break,
pulled, reforming, reaching,
SNAP–
broken–
moves away.
//
the self is shattered
old ideas crack
reveal child self in pain.
//
cracks, perturbed, reaching into
shards. pulled away.
what I thought was clear was a mirror
concealing a mask.
the mask I thought was flesh slips.
the knowledge of self distrubed.
//
swirling flow, life cintinues,
I want it all to stop-
to pick up the pieces,
examine each and understand
it’s purpose and placement in the whole
//
the pieces fly away in the wind.
a maelstrom- pulls at my
mask I didn’t know was a mask.
shocked to my core-
stillness is not an option.
Inaction isn’t an option-
I take it anyway.
waisted days of fleeting obsolescence
music and games, alone
podcasts and youtube
alone.
no conversation,
runnign around, no thoughts
waisted days alone.
to feel the pressure from a dying self
a mimicry, a mask that fades
the pressure builds,
something clings to the mask as it crumbles,
as something else wants to push it away.
the new self is born
the old mask dies
yet that which dies tries to cling to life.
//
I progress down my journey and take the steps-of-growth
the old self fades, but clings to life
fighting its’ own death
yet it must die.
I must take those steps.
Sinking into the flesh, I cling to the flesh
a dying thing.
it flickers and fades and it clings all the harder.
I must lean into the Spirit.
it is life,
true life leads to truer happiness, it feels
ephemeral, wispy, mist
yet it is more
enduring, more real, more true
than any flesh or bone.
The chains that bound me
though they’re different than they used to be
different different than they used to be.
But yet, they’re still the same.
Different than they used to be,
different than they used to be.
The chains that bound me are different than they used to be,
but yet they’re still the same.
A man sold for so little,
he could pay for himself,
he has a foundation.
When he himself has cracks, nothing else stands.
—
I cannot pay my own way,
I cost too much. I’m worth more
than I could hope to afford.
Am I cheap enough that I could buy me?
Martin Write 